This episode from November 24, 2014, is filled with stories of gratitude to celebrate this season of Thanksgiving, as well as hilarious tales of road trips along the way. It features StoryTown's original host, Leon Overbay, for whom we will always be grateful, and who left the world much too soon. Enjoy this vintage episode featuring our large, multi-generational cast.
Written by Jules Corriere, with Leon Overbay, Anne G'Fellers-Mason, Wayne Winkler
Music Accompaniment Brett McCluskey
Sound Engineer Michael D'Avella
Sound Effects Gary Degner
Stage Manager Phyllis Fabozzi
Edited by Wayne Winkler
SPONSORED BY
WETS 89.5 FM, Johnson City, TN
Wild Women of Jonesborough
Nancy Hope and Odie Major
LORI
We’re here tonight, with friends and family, and friends who feel like family, and just looking around, I can see we have plenty to be thankful for.
LEON
And those are the stories we’ll be telling tonight. We’ve gone around town, and out to the farms, up in the mountains and down in the hollers, listening to and collecting stories from folks who are thankful for one thing or another, and as always- the stories you’ll hear tonight are each unique, and true. Or, at least they started out true. We thought with Thanksgiving around the corner, you might want to hear some of these thankful tales.
LORI
That’s right Leon, and a big reason to be thankful is our sponsors.
LEON
We’d also like to thank the makers of Parsley. Yes, parsley, that smooth, easy going flavor that enhances every meal. Sprinkle it on, or garnish a dish.
ALL
It just tastes better with parsley.
LORI
And of course, Frozen Toast. Moms, do mornings come too early? Then Frozen Toast is the answer. From the freezer to the toaster, what could be simpler than Frozen Toast? Hit it kids
ALL KIDS
It’s the breakfast sensation
From Coast to Coast
ALL MOMS
What do you want for breakfast kids?
ALL KIDS
Frozen toast!
LEON
Thanks, kids.
BRETT
Sometimes you can take for good health for granted…until something happens. As for me, I’m so thankful to be feeling better these days. Battling cancer was not something I expected to do this year. But going through it has helped me see how blessed I am to live in this community, and all the people who came to help, with food, cards, messages, even money, and most of all, prayers. That’s what I’m thankful for this year.
PHYLLIS
I’m thankful for friends who have become family. My brothers and I, just last month, felt the loss of our mother, when God called her home after she spent nearly a century here on earth. We didn’t face that loss alone. Our good friends were there for us, and at her memorial, they came out in the snow that day to sing her into heaven. We sang one of her favorites- This little light of mine. She loved to sing and she loved the Yarn Exchange shows, and had her own reserved seat every month. Now, she’s watching over us from above, in the best seat in the house.
DAVID K
I’m thankful for all the activities Jonesborough has, where people can meet their neighbors.
MARCY
And perhaps fall in love?
DAVID K
The Contra Dances, the Yarn Exchange. Music on the Square, all the opportunities Jonesborough has, where people can get together, and get to know each other better.
MARCY
And perhaps fall in love?
DAVID K
The farmer’s market, the walking trails and parks, where people can get out and do things together.
MARCY
And perhaps fall in love?
DAVID K
OK, OK, I think what Marcy is trying to get me to say is that our fellow cast member Dana and I will be getting married in January.
DANA
And I’ll be thankful for that for the rest of my life.
LORI
Just hearing stories from this cast alone, we know we’ve got plenty to be thankful for. And this is the time of year when we get together and celebrate it.
LEON
Which also makes this the busiest travel week of the year, as families crowd into mini-vans, piling children and casseroles, the occasional pet or two, into the cars, and head to the open road. And that really makes me thankful for the interstates
LORI
Did you say open road? This IS the busiest travel week of the year. The only open roads you’ll find around here are the old byways folks used to take before the highways.
JOEL
Before 26, 81, and 75, any of my relatives who moved out of the mountains here had a really hard time coming back to visit.
DON
Well, depending on the weather, it’s still hard to make it up where I live today. And I don’t mind.
LISA
We’re independent folks in the mountains. A little by choice, and a lot by geography.
DON
The independence kept our community close, and our culture intact.
LISA
Not everyone understood our ways, as they passed through these parts, back in the old days of the dirt roads.
JOEL
Old days? We still have dirt roads, or haven’t you driven down Shell Road lately?
LISA
Well, it’s muddy now, but it’s in the process of improvement. No, I’m talking about the real dirt and mud roads, hairpin curves, no guard rails, with a thirty foot drop that made your knuckles turn white holding the wheel.
DON
Yeah. The good old days. When road trips were an adventure.
JOEL
There’s still plenty of adventure around here, though.Ever drive a motorcycle down the Dragon’s Tail in Blount county?
DON
I love that road! It starts in North Carolina, you know.
JOEL
Yeah, but it gets really crazy driving down it in Blount County. In an eleven mile stretch, there are three hundred and eighteen curves.
DON
Not for the faint of heart, or the novice driver.
LISA
Or anyone who gets carsick easily, like my children.
JOEL and DON
Ewww.
LISA
Yeah. Not a good way to go with them in the back seat. At all.
DON
But it used to be so many of our roads were like that, from the earliest days ‘til just recently. The most improvements started coming during Lyndon Johnson’s so called “war on poverty” in this region, back in the ‘60’s.
JOEL
Before that, a lot of people up in the higher elevations still had outhouses, and cooked on wood stoves. Improvements couldn’t come until the roads were built to reach people.
LISA
The highways get people around easier. But something is missed along the way.
DON
The fruit stands, general stores, and roadside attractions?
LISA
Yeah. That. And also, I don’t know, some of the magic. The mystery. The things that draw us to live her in the first place, no matter how rough the weather gets or how winding the roads are or how tall the mountains are—
JOEL
Or the tales—
LISA
Or the tales. We’ve got the oldest mountains, the tallest tales, and the windingest roads.
TOM
I had an old friend of mine from New York ask me once,
PHYLLIS
Why did you move back to Appalachia, after your parents worked so hard to get out of there?
TOM
And I didn’t even have to think- the word was already on my lips. Because it’s home.
DON
Amen to that, brother.
STEPHEN
There’s five thousand neighbors living in Jonesborough, and I’d wager a guess and say it’s a different place for everybody.
PAM
For me, living in Jonesborough is Buttermilk Pie at the Parson’s Table.
JASMINE
Living in Jonesborough is shopping at Lavender’s Grocery, and looking at all the glass jars of candy!
IRVING
It’s sharecropping, working 8 months straight, buying against the crops during the winter, and never breaking even at the end of the year.
KATY
Living in Jonesborough is sophistication. Tailors, Haberdashers. Furniture stores carrying the latest designs from Boston and Charleston. A Photography studio in 1847, only nine years after the modern camera was invented. It’s lawyers, teachers and judges. Schools, fine dining, stage coaches, trains. The last civilized stop before the wild frontier.
DAVID K
I prefer the wilderness myself. Living in Jonesborough is fur trapping. Raccoons, deer and wild bears. I Kilt me a bar right over thar and I scribed it right in that thar tree. See, “D. Boon Killed a. Bar on tree in the year 1760”. ‘Course some folks say it weren’t me, ‘cause I left the “e” off my name. All I can say is it was cold, my knife was getting dull and the sun was going down, so I left off a few letters. But I kilt it all right. And I kilt it right thar.
DEB
Living in Jonesborough is knowing you come from pioneers. The famous ones who carved their names and forged the frontier, John Sevier, Davey Crockett, and the Andrews- Jackson and Johnson. And those not so well known, who pushed through other wildernesses and boundaries, the Smallwoods, the Greenlees, the Rhea’s. Pioneers in their own time, who made Jonesborough what it is today.
TOM
Living in Jonesborough is progress! It’s making way! It’s taking chances! Building roads, building railroads, building power lines, building power! Whatever went west, it came through here, first. Whatever was next, it happened here first. We were the edge of America!
MARCY
Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself?
TOM
Isn’t that what they always say to pioneers?
VIVI
Living in Jonesborough is like living in an old house. It’s beautiful, and there’s always something that needs to be done.
DANA
Living in Jonesborough is patience.
ALL CHILDREN (Enter as a train, smallest wears conductor hat)
Woooo Wooooo!
DANA
And learning to…
ALL CHILDREN
Chug a chug a Wooo Wooo! (Make way from one end of theater to the other.)
DANA
It’s learning to…It’s learning to….
ALL CHILDREN
Woo Woo!
DANA
It’s learning to wait for the train to go by before you finish your sentence.
ANITA
Living in Jonesborough is going to school from the very start of this town. Martin Academy, Jonesborough Female Academy, Warner Institute, Science Hill, Crocket, Boone and Booker T.
ADAM
Living in Jonesborough is missing school because the crops were ready, and you needed to eat more than you needed to read.
ORLANDO
Es trabajar en el campo 13 horas al dia, para que me llamen piscador de tomates. Es tartar deentender el el banco o en la tienda, es asegurar que mis ninos vallan a la escuela en la manana, y que coman en la tarde. Es aprender el idioma en cuanquier rato que puedo. Es el sueno Americano, si es que eres lo suficiente fuerte
ARIANA
My father says, it’s working in the field 13 hours a day, being called a tomato picker. It’s trying to be understood at the bank or the grocery store. It’s making sure the children get to school in the morning, get fed at night. It’s learning the language in any spare moment. It’s the American dream, if you’re strong enough.
SARAH
It’s Rudy Rhein’s Ice Cream shop! Getting a Dixie Cup filled with fresh peach ice cream or a brown mule! Nothing better on a summer day!
KENNY
It’s working at the barber shop late on a Saturday night. The town would be wide open, 11, 12 O’Clock, ‘til the last bus pulled through. Young guys who caught the bus to Johnson City would stop in for a haircut before heading home. We’d get them cut, clean and ready for church in the morning.
ADDIE
It’s watching my mama feeding hobos from our kitchen table. And mama reminding me not to call anybody a hobo.
LORI
Any of us could be in that situation at any time.
AUDREY
It’s hard times overcome by good people.
PHYLLIS
It’s neighbors looking out for neighbors.
JONATHAN
It’s finding home.
TOM
It’s coming back home.
LEON
Living in Jonesborough is the same for all of us. It’s home.
ALL CHILDREN
Home.
ALL CAST
Home.
TOM
And coming home, after you’ve been away, is one of the sweetest greatest, things I was ever thankful to do. When I was kid, my folks moved up north, and every Thanksgiving we made the trip to East Tennessee in the back seat of my dad’s station wagon on two-lane highways.
CLAIRE
Stay on your side of the seat!
JOSEF
I AM on my side of the seat!
CLAIRE
Mom, make him stay on his side of the seat!
DONNA
You two better stop fussing.
CLAIRE
And you better stay over there.
JOSEF
What are you, the sheriff of the back seat?
DONNA
Settle down. There’s enough room for everyone back there.
ADDIE
Mom, Nancy is looking at me weird again.
BEA
I am not. This is how I always look.
ADDIE
Oh, so you always look weird. Nancy said she looks weird.
BEA
Mom!
STEPHEN
If you don’t stop, I’ll give you a reason to stop.
DONNA
We’ve got a long way to go. Don’t make your dad angry. You know how he gets.
STEPHEN
And what do you mean, “how he gets?” Don’t YOU start with me!
DONNA
Here. You better eat this peanut butter cracker. Your blood sugar must be low, because I KNOW you didn’t just talk to me like that.
STEPHEN
Yeah, I’m sorry, honey. I just need to make sure I don’t miss this next turn-off. Just, take care of them, and let me concentrate.
TOM
Dad rarely spoke when he drove, he was a machine on the highway, checking the mileage, the atlas, choosing directions that would save the most time. When he spoke, you better listen, and you better do what he says. There were times, I could swear, that his arm could stretch four feet to smack the furtherest one of us in the wayback., trying to wriggle out of his reach, but we were no match for the old man’s right arm.
CLAIRE
Just stay on your side of the seat if you know what’s good for you.
SARAH
What if I just put my finger on your side?
ADDIE
What are you going to do about it if she puts her finger on your side?
SFX: SMACK!
SARAH
MOM!!!
DONNA
CLAIRE!
STEPHEN
I’m gonna start cracking heads in a minute!
CLAIRE
Now see what you did.
BEA
She didn’t do anything! You did.
ADDIE
Ha ha, Claire got in trouble!
DONNA
Kids! Please behave.
STEPHEN
I didn’t even WANT kids – I wanted to raise beagles, but you said…
DONNA
Hush up and drive or you’ll be sharing a house with those beagles.
TOM
As the miles rolled by, we were all looking for relief from the monotony. And about two-thirds of the way through Kentucky, we started seeing billboards.
CLAIRE
See the bear at Dogpatch Zoo!
BEA
See the RATTLESNAKE at Dogpatch Zoo!
DONNA
Clean restrooms and cold drinks at Dogpatch!
JOSEF
I gotta go wee wee!
TOM
Dogpatch Trading Post was a roadside attraction just north of London, Kentucky on U.S. Highway 25. It was named after the home of Li’l Abner in the comic strips. In addition to the FREE zoo, there was a “bargain barn” souvenir shop, a barbeque stand, carnival rides, and country hams for sale. Most importantly in my mother’s opinion, there were restrooms, sandwiches, cold drinks, and a chance for five bored kids to work off some energy that might otherwise be expended in more destructive ways.
ALL KIDS
We want to see Dogpatch! We want to see Dogpatch!
ADDIE
I’m hungry!
BEA
I want to ride the merry-go-round.
CLAIRE
I want to see the zoo.
DONNA
Maybe we SHOULD stop. The kids can use the restroom, and I could use a cold drink.
STEPHEN
We’ve only got about an hour and a half to go – let’s just keep going.
JOSEF
I gotta go wee wee!
DONNA
We need to get off the road NOW.
TOM
As Dad pulled into the parking lot, the doors flew open and we were out of the car before it came to a complete stop. But for us kids, the big question was whether to see the zoo first or go on the carnival rides.
CLAIRE
Well, the zoo is free. Those rides cost money.
SARAH
Let’s do the zoo first.
ADDIE
Then we can ask Dad for money.
TOM
The zoo. Today, the A-S-P-C-A would shut it down, but in those days, nobody thought too much about keeping animals in small cages with iron bars and concrete floors.
BEA
Are candy bars good for animals?
CLAIRE
I don’t think so. That might be why that fox is losing his fur.
TOM
The pathway through the Dogpatch Zoo came out behind the main building, called the Bargain Barn. There, they had a couple of ratty-looking carnival rides- a merry-go-round and a couple of other rides that didn’t look too exciting. Meanwhile, Mom had surveyed the restaurant and looked uneasy.
DONNA
Maybe we should settle for some Cokes and find someplace down the road to eat.
STEPHEN
I’m hungry. I’ve been thinking about a barbeque sandwich. You can’t get good barbeque
up north.
DONNA
It smells kind of bad.
STEPHEN
Nah – that’s just the way Kentucky barbeque smells. It’s different from Tennessee
barbeque, but I’ll bet it tastes good. Come on, what could happen?
DONNA
Food poisoning, botulism…
STEPHEN
Well, I’m getting some. We’re already here and I don’t want to stop again.
TOM
Well, the barbeque DID taste pretty good, and Dad was happy to be proved right. He
wasn’t happy, however, about an hour later. And every hour after that, until we got to
Grandma’s. The man who didn’t want to make anymore stops had to make them
frequently, and urgently. But I won’t explain further details.
CLAIRE
Ooh, can I get this! Please!
TOM
The Bargain Barn was the obvious moneymaker at Dogpatch. There was an infinite variety of artifacts and souvenirs celebrating the American hillbilly. Or, a novelty maker’s idea of what our culture was. Figurines, postcards, and joke books all portrayed the adult male residents of Appalachia – a region recently in the news as one of the main targets of President Lyndon Johnson’s War on Poverty. The men were uniformly bearded, with floppy slouch hats, barefoot, wearing patched overalls. The activities in which they were engaged included operating a moonshine still, carrying a long rifle of 19th century vintage, or– most often – sleeping. Females were portrayed with somewhat greater variety, but always barefoot.
BEA
Look – “hillbilly toilet paper”.
TOM
Outhouse ash trays…
JOSEF:
Put your butts here.
TOM
And jugs – jugs in every size and function you could imagine.
DONNA
My goodness, they’ve got jug salt and pepper shakers, jugs with honey, jugs with jelly.
BEA
Why do all the jugs have three X’s on them?
ADDIE
I think it means they have moonshine in them.
SARAH
What’s moonshine?
ADDIE
I think it has something to do with cars – Dad said it made Uncle Jimmy wreck his.
TOM
When we all got back to the car, disaster. In those days, when you stopped at a
roadside attraction like Dogpatch or Rock City, they put a bumper sticker on your car.
Dad would rather have “Dogpatch” or “Rock City” tattooed on his forehead than to have
a bumper sticker put on his car. The maddest I ever saw my Dad at someone who
wasn’t me was when an employee at Dogpatch put a bumper sticker on his new 1965
Chevy Impala. It rendered him incapable of coherent speech.
STEPHEN
What the… who the...I’ll be gah…son of a…
TOM
Of course, Dad was trying not to swear in front of his kids – but the effort was turning his
face dark red and making the veins stick out on his neck.
STEPHEN
You little…who told you…I’ll put a knot in your…I can’t believe you’d…why did you. You
little…I oughta…did your mother…
DONNE
Don’t get worked up, dear. Let’s just go. We’ll get it off somehow.
STEPHEN
Eeep…grkkk…new car…gahhh…
TOM
You might think we never stopped at Dogpatch again – but the lure of the roadside
attraction still drew us every time. Dad didn’t eat any more sandwiches there, and he
never left his back bumper unguarded. But by the early 1970s, Interstate 75 gradually
made its way through Kentucky, siphoning off traffic. The barbeque stand closed. The
carnival rides disappeared. The last time we saw the Zoo, most of the cages were
empty. Finally, the Dogpatch closed – but not for good. Today you’ll find the Dogpatch
Trading Post at the London, Kentucky exit off Interstate 75. It’s a big truck stop now,
with gasoline and restrooms and a good restaurant and store that has everything a
traveler needs. It even has souvenirs. But only a few are the kind of hillbilly kitsch you
saw at the old Dogpatch. Eventually, I didn’t just come back to East Tennessee for
Thanksgiving and Christmas. My roots kept calling to me home. Finally as an adult, I
moved here. So to all of the travelers, coming for a visit, or coming home to stay, I wish
you a safe journey this Thanksgiving. And no matter how much you want to make good
time, look around at what roadside attraction you could stop at with your family,and also
make some good memories.
LEON
Good memories indeed. If you’re just tuning in, you’re listening to “A Night with the Yarn Exchange” on WETS 89.5 FM.
BRETT
30 seconds of music.
LORI
And we’re back, telling stories about the things we’re thankful for.
VIVI
I’m thankful my parents didn’t make me get my marriage annulled. My beau and I got married in secret, and spent sixty-eight blissful years of marriage together. And two and a half years that were OK. It all started back in 1946. I was a senior in high school. And the boys were back home from the war. I was especially happy about one special boy.
SFX
Old fashioned “I-Ooga” car horn.
ANITA
Good evening Tommy. That’s a pretty fancy car you’re driving.
ORLANDO
Oh, you know it’s not mine, ma’am. It’s from my Uncle’s dealership. But you’re right, it sure beats the jeeps and transports I was riding in just a few months ago.
ANITA
We’re so glad to have you home, Tommy. And just before your twentieth birthday next month. Just look at you. Still a teenager, but a teenager home from fighting a war.
ORLANDO
Only a teenager for one more month.
ANITA
What you boys had to go through.
ORLANDO
Yeah. Um…yeah.
ANITA
But…this is sure a nice car.
ORLANDO
My uncle wants me to take it to a dealership in Knoxville, ‘cause he can’t find any buyers around here. I’m supposed to pick up a used car in its place, to sell here.
ANITA
I’m not surprised. Folks who might have bought new cars are spending money on new electric stoves from Dobbins Taylor, now that we’ve got electricity almost everywhere.
ORLANDO
I know. My uncle even got electricity over in Sulphur Springs. But before I take this car back I thought I might show it to Laurie before I drive it away. Is she home?
ANITA
Sure. I’ll get her. Laurie!
AUDREY
Hi Tommy.
ORLANDO
Can I bring you kids some milk and cookies?
AUDREY
Mother, we’re not children. I’ve almost graduated high school. And Tommy just got back from Italy.
ANITA
OK. Well, you two grown folks enjoy the night air. But Laurie, come in before it gets chilly.
AUDREY
Sure thing mom!
ORLANDO
So…what we talked about last week. Did you talk to your folks?
AUDREY
I tried bringing it up, but they think I’m just a child. I don’t know why. Mama was younger than me when she married daddy.
ORLANDO
Maybe I should talk to them. I am older, after all. Plus, I used to babysit you and your brothers. I’ll remind them of that and they’ll remember how responsible I am.
AUDREY
Um, maybe not. That sounds kind of strange. ‘Mr. and Mrs. Brunk, I know I used to babysit Laurie, but now I’m ready to marry her.
ORLANDO
You’re right, it doesn’t work. Maybe we should just wait.
AUDREY
Why should we wait? Don’t you want to get married now?
ORLANDO
Well, of course I do. But you know, married girls ain’t allowed to go to high school. You only have a few months left. If you get married, they won’t let you keep going. You don’t want to come this close to graduating and then mess it up.
AUDREY
I do want that diploma. Mama and daddy would be disappointed.
ORLANDO
Too bad there’s no way we could get married and keep it secret.
AUDREY
You mean elope! That’s a wonderful idea!
ORLANDO
I didn’t exactly mean---
AUDREY
Oh, this is so exciting I could almost kiss you!
ORLANDO
(Voice nearly two octaves higher.) But eloping is good.
AUDREY
When are you taking another car to Knoxville?
ORLANDO
Two weeks, I suppose. That’s when I usually go, once every two weeks.
AUDREY
Perfect, we can go to Knoxville, so there won’t be any busy bodies to go and blab. I’ll ask Mama if I can go with you. Just for a drive in car. Then, we’ll get married in Knoxville, and then come back, and keep it a secret ‘til school’s over.
ORLANDO
So, let me get this straight. We’ll get married in two weeks.
AUDREY
Right.
ORLANDO
And then, I bring you back. Here.
AUDREY
Right.
ORLANDO
And, where will I go?
AUDREY
Home, silly!
ORLANDO
And, when will I get to see my wife?
AUDREY
Every evening on the porch, just like now.
ORLANDO
And…When will I get to…kiss my wife?
AUDREY
Tommy!
ORLANDO
(Flustered.) It’s what married folks get to do, Laurie!
AUDREY
Except no one can know we’re married yet.
ORLANDO
Can you tell me again why we don’t just wait?
AUDREY
Oh, Tommy, get with the times! This is the forties, not the olden days. We don’t wait for what we want, we make it happen! We’re the modern generation! We’ve got to Carpe Diem.
ORLANDO
Huh?
AUDREY
I learned that in history class this week from the Roman Empire. It means there’s no time like the present. Seize the day!
ORLANDO
(Excited) I’m seizing, I’m seizing!
SFX
Kiss
ORLANDO
Saturday after next! We’ll go to Knoxville! We’re gonna get—
AUDREY
Shhhhhhh!
ORLANDO
Married!
LORI
Will Laurie’s plan work? Will Tommy come home from Knoxville with an old car and a new wife? Will electricity finally make its way to Possum Holler? Stay tuned. UP next we’ve got Leon. And Leon, weren’t you telling me earlier that you had a story that happened right around Thanksgiving, oh, about thirty years ago?
LEON
The year was 1985. I came home from work one day shortly before Thanksgiving.
PAM
You need to have a talk with your son.
LEON
Kevin!
PAM
Not him. The other one.
LEON
That was unusual. Kevin was my, well, I don’t want to say problem child, but he was certainly the one whose name was called out loud on a regular basis. But Keith was never a problem. Pam, what did he do?
PAM
Ask him about his homework assignment that he says he’s not going to turn in.
LEON
Keith, is this true?
ZEB
My teacher is teaching poetry. I don’t like it. And now I have to write a poem, and I don’t want to write a poem. They’re stupid.
LEON
Look, Keith, she doesn’t want you to be a poet for life. Just, try and write one short poem.
ZEB
Uh uh. Billy Quigley wrote a poem last year and got clobbered.
LEON
Look, it doesn’t even have to be about flowers or love. Poems could be funny, too. All you need to do is write one, get a passing grade, and never worry about it again.
ZEB
How can a poem be funny?
LEON
I don’t know. Maybe something like this. Roses are red, violets are blue, my fifth grade teacher should live in a zoo.
ZEB
Hmm. OK.
LEON
He went upstairs and in just a few minutes, he called down and said he was done.
PAM
Maybe we should check it. What if he wrote what you said?
LEON
Good idea. We went upstairs.
PAM
Did you write what your dad and said?
ZEB
No. It’s got to be about Thanksgiving. I wrote about Thanksgiving.
PAM
Can we see it?
ZEB
No.
PAM
Let me put it to you this way. You WILL let me see it.
LEON
Roses are red. Violets are Blue. The only turkey I know teaches fifth grade at my school. (Laughs) That’s pretty good.
PAM
It is NOT! Now I want the BOTH of you to go down to the living room and come up with a suitable Thanksgiving poem.
LEON and ZEB
Fine!
LEON
Keith wasn’t much help. But I felt inspired. In a few minutes I wrote.
Out behind the barn in a pen, lives Tom the Turkey whose life had been
Filled with frustration, anticipation and fear, because that holiday called Thanksgiving was drawing near.
Now as the nights grow longer and the days grow short, he must turn to starvation as a last resort
So he will appear sickly lean and starved.
Then on Thanksgiving Day, he won’t get carved.
Keith took the poem to Boones Creek the next day and turned it in. Day after day I asked Keith if he had received a grade. Finally he told me.
ZEB
Here it is, Dad. It’s an A.
LEON
I felt it should have been an A+ and asked him if I could have a conference with his teacher.
ZEB
Dad, remember, I’m supposed to be the one who wrote it. An A is fine.
LEON
A couple of days after Thanksgiving, Keith came home, embarrassed to death. The teacher had called him up in front of an assembly program and asked him to read the poem to the student body. It was first place in his class and was being turned in to the county school system for Theme Poem competition.
ZEB
What do I do, Dad?
LEON
Keep your mouth shut.
A week later, he finds out that the poem won the county competition and was sent to state. He was embarrassed to death. I was anxious to see how I fared in the state.
Finally the state competition was judged and I came in second. I was very disappointed, but I justified that whoever that little fifth grade girl was that won, her parents probably helped her and that wasn’t fair.
Keith was brought in front of the assembly again, red faced as he could be. The poem was published in the newspaper. We thought it had ended there, but our church secretary saw it in the newspaper and published it in the church paper. We then had to lie to the preacher.
Two good things came out of the episode. One was that Keith developed an appreciation for poetry, like his old man. Another was that he never again asked me to help him with his homework.
LORI
Oh, Leon. Leave it to you to get into that kind of trouble. I think after thatstory, we need to bring some good old common sense to the stage. Please welcome Anne G’Fellers-Mason from the Heritage Alliance for this month’s installment of “Ask the Historian.
ANNE
When last we left off, Laurie and Tommy had planned to go to Knoxville to elope, and keep it secret. It’s now two weeks later. Laurie and Tommy are on the porch, their parents are in the living room, talking.
ANITA
Look at them out on the porch.
JOEL
I thought they’d be tired after a trip to Knoxville. I think I’ll tell Tommy it’s time to go home. I don’t want them getting too cozy
ANITA
Sweetie, I think it’s time to face the facts. Our little girl is growing up. I wouldn’t be surprised if she were to come and ask us if she could go steady with Tommy. I bet that’s what’s fixin’ to happen.
JOEL
She’s too young to go steady. We’re not going to have any of that around here.
ANITA
Gary, I gave birth to that girl when I was her age.
JOEL
Well, we’re especially not having any of that around here!
ANITA
Now just calm down. They’re just sitting on the porch in plain sight. There isn’t anything they can do that we can’t see. Now sit down and eat your meatloaf.
AUDREY
I’m a wife. I have a husband. And I am a wife. I can’t believe it.
ORLANDO
I know. Hey, your daddy keeps looking over here.
AUDREY
Maybe he thinks we’re sitting too close. Scoot over.
ORLANDO
But Laurie, I’m your husband. You just said it. And you’re my wife.
AUDREY
Not as far as anybody else is concerned. Now scoot.
ORLANDO
Tell me again why this is such a good idea. Everything is exactly the same.
AUDREY
No it’s not, silly. Now, we’re married. Ooh, I forgot I have math homework. I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight…dear.
LEON
Will Laurie and Tommy ever confess their elopement to her parents? Will Tommy ever get to kiss his bride? Stay tuned. You’re listening to a Night with the Jonesborough Yarn Exchange on WETS 89.5 FM.
BRETT Music
LEON
And we’re back, with more thankful stories.
JORDAN
I’m thankful that my brother and I made it out of our childhood with our eyes and limbs intact.
EZRA
We were weapons experts from about seven years old.
JORDAN
I’m really good at making bows and arrows. I make lots of them. I have to, because every time daddy finds one, he breaks it.
EZRA
That may have to do with the time you almost killed me.
JORDAN
I never will forget your face.
EZRA
You coulda warned me, or something.
JORDAN
I didn’t think I needed to. It was my first one. I didn’t think it would work.
EZRA
It did.
JORDAN
THhhhhunk, from the back door all the way to the dirt pile. Direct hit, middle of the chest. Arms flail, your eyes pop out- I scared you.
EZRA
I wasn’t scared. I was just surprised by weapon well made. By you.
JORDAN
Thank you brother.
EZRA
I wasn’t gonna tell, because I knew Daddy would take it, and I wanted to shoot it at Stevie Hall first. But then the informer.(They both look at their little sister)
BOTH
Jenny, don’t tell Mom and…
SARAH
Mom! Dad! Chris shot Johnny with a bow and arrow!
BOTH
We don’t call her the informer for nothing.
EZRA
Alas, it was the first of many bows to be broken
JORDAN
Now it’s the weekend, and Daddy was visiting the neighbors. I got the bows I kept hidden in the shed.
EZRA
Shooting each other is fun, but we’ve done it so many times, it’s gotten old.
JORDAN
Yeah, you’re right. You want to shoot Stevie Hall again?
EZRA
No, he’ll just tell his mama. He’s no fun.
JORDAN
What kind of friend doesn’t let you shoot them with bows and arrows? I told him he’d get his chance after we shot him, but he went cryin’ home.
EZRA
I got an idea. Wouldn’t it be cool if we set these on fire?
JORDAN
Good idea. I found this jar of moonshine over where I hid my arrows. Shred a kitchen towel and wrap it around the end, dip it in the shine, light it, poof.
EZRA
Chris, you are an evil genius.
JORDAN
So that’s what we started doing. It worked, too. It’s amazing, blazing across the sky. It’s burning! It’s magnificent!
EZRA
It’s Daddy walking down the road.
JORDAN
He’s early. Too early. Someone’s turned us in.
DAD
Johnny and Chris, I knew it had to be you. Norman said he saw fire and brimstone falling from the sky. Do you mind explaining why I come home to flaming arrows across the neighborhood?
JORDAN
Technically, it isn’t across the neighborhood, it’s in our own yard.
EZRA
Not helping…
DAD
What would possess you to shoot flaming arrows?
JORDAN
Inspiration?
EZRA
Again. Not helping.
DAD
How did you make that torch?
JORDAN
Oh, with this jar of moonshine I found. It was over by the tool shed. Do you know who could’ve put it there?
DAD
I, uh, of course not. Somebody must have put it there. I’ll go put it back. Now you boys stay out of trouble. We won’t mention this to your mama. It’ll just make her nervous.
EZRA
You are an evil genius.
TURKEY TOSSER 2
Personally, I’m thankful to our thriving downtown. We’ve seen some hard times, but thankfully, we made it through those rough spots. We almost didn’t. Which brings us to our next story. The annual telling of the Great Turkey Toss of Jonesborough.
TURKEY TOSSER 1
About 50 years ago, the Jonesborough Merchants Association was formed in response to the new mall in Johnson City. There was a sort of exodus from the downtown businesses, so the Association worked to keep Main Street alive. The Holiday season was coming, so the Merchants planned a series of promotions to bring people downtown to shop. They started the week before Thanksgiving with a Turkey Toss. Hundreds of Jonesborough folks showed up and gathered around the Courthouse. The merchants were thrilled to see so many people back on Main Street. They waved to the crowd from high above the courthouse.
TURKEY TOSSER 2
The idea was to toss the turkeys from the top of the courthouse. The turkeys would fly to the ground below, and the lucky people who were fast enough to catch the turkeys after they landed would have their Thanksgiving dinner all squared away. The Merchants were not stingy. They weren’t tossing one or two turkeys. No, they really wanted to show the Jonesborough folks their appreciation. Dozens of turkeys were brought up. When the big clock struck one, they began tossing the turkeys to the crowd below…
RESCUER
Wait! Stop! STOP!!!!!
TURKEY TOSSER 1
Now, that’s what should have happened. But it didn’t. Nobody stopped them. Nobody, say, from the country or the farms had thought to let these city merchants know that domesticated turkeys don’t fly. And so began the debacle.
TURKEY TOSSER 2
Now these were prized turkeys. 25, 30, 40 pounders. And they were falling, dead weight, to the ground below.
TURKEY TOSSER 1
Onlookers screamed.
TURKEY TOSSER 2
And as the screams of horror filled the air, the merchants, who could not see the carnage below them, thought the crowd was erupting with gleeful excitement, and so they began tossing more and more turkeys off the top of the courthouse.
TURKEY TOSSER 1
Brave citizens went out into the foray and tried to save the falling fowl.
TURKEY TOSSER 1
Without considering the laws of physics.
TURKEY TOSSER 2
Gravity.
TURKEY TOSSER 1
40 pound objects falling from the sky at 32 feet per second squared is a lot of force coming down.
TURKEY TOSSER 2
The lawn was littered with the bodies of dead turkeys and their wounded, would-be rescuers. Husbands grabbed their wives, mothers grabbed their children. Babies grabbed their binkys. Everyone ran for cover until the torrent of turkeys falling from above came to an end.
TURKEY TOSSER 1
When it was over, a hush fell across the field. The Merchants looked down from their perch, anticipating a grateful crowd.
TURKEY TOSSER 2
And instead, witnessed the destruction they had wrought.
TURKEY TOSSER 1
Police on the scene suspected fowl play.
TURKEY TOSSER 2
Oh…that was bad.
TURKEY TOSSER 1
Sorry, I couldn’t resist.
TURKEY TOSSER 2
Across the gizzard-laden grounds, families called to one another, and in their feather covered clothes and hair, they quietly got in their cars, showered the entrails and memories from their bodies, and drove to the Johnson City Mall.
ORLANDO
Hi Mr. Brunk. Is, um, Laurie home?
JOEL
She’s in the house.
ORLANDI
What are you doing there?
JOEL
Found this in the woodpile. Must belong to those Curry kids. They’re always making stuff like this. Quality work for delinquents. The thing about arrows is they work better the more distance you get between you and your target.
ORLANDO
Yeah, I’ve heard that. Hey, why are you walking way over there? Oh my gosh! You know!
SFX
Fast running feet
JOEL
Come on out Chris. He’s gone now.
JORDAN
He runs faster than Stevie Hall
JOEL
Thanks for letting me borrow these. You know, I wasn’t really gonna do anything to him. I like the boy. But doggone it, don’t take my daughter away from me without asking. Bet he never does anything else without checking with me first.
JORDAN
He’d be a fool to try it. I take my hat off to you sir. You are an evil genius. Welcome to the club.
VIVI
And that’s the story of when I got married. And I’m thankful for each and every one of those seventy years. Even the two and a half that were just OK.
IRVING
I’m thankful to be from such a strong knit community. Boones Creek was a farming community, and we looked out for each other. Most of the farmers in my area were share croppers. Many were poor, but living on a farm, there was usually plenty to eat.Boones Creek farmers looked forward to the fall of the year. Tobacco was the big cash crop and the market opened the week of Thanksgiving. The burley crop was in the barn usually before school started. The first of October we would begin grading the tobacco and getting it ready to market.We graded the tobacco into four grades, lugs, long red, short red and tips. Top grades brought 72 cents a pound and low grades 50 cents a pound. A ton of tobacco would net you $1,200. And that was a lot of money back then. The field corn was pulled and in the barn and the fodder was shocked. Hay was in the barns. Grain was in the bins. Corn and grain were taken to the local mills to be ground into feed and some was traded for flour and meal. Cattle that weren’t going to winter were sold or butchered. Preparations were made to kill hogs on Thanksgiving if there was a good frost. The smokehouse would be full; Might sell a ham for some extra money. Cellars were packed with potatoes, apples, flower and meal. There was even some grain ground up for dog bread for the hounds. Just add a little bacon grease. Everything that could have been canned was canned and in the pantries. The tobacco sales would provide money to pay off debt and buy winter clothes and shoes with hopes that a little would be left for Christmas. The Thanksgiving season was truly a time that you could look at the bounty and say.“There is plenty to be thankful for.” We would share our thanksgiving meal together, and give thanks to God, for getting us all through another year.